My First Night at the Hospital...

This story follows on from "The start to an Adventure I'll never forget" about the night my waters broke at thirty six weeks gestation, in my series "My Birth Story". If you haven't already read the two posts prior to this, then please catch up on those before continuing this one.

As I approached the hospital doors, my heart began to nervously flutter once more. On the journey there, although excitement bubbled at the pit of my stomach, I hadn’t really felt nervous at all.

Chatting to my mother had relaxed me to a point where I’d almost forgotten what was really happening and it had started to feel like a regular day. But as I walked the slight cramping I had been experiencing in the car became more noticeable and my stomach began to somersault with fear.

The hospital lights shone bright in the dark night and I thought to myself what a beautiful metaphor that was. I was literally walking towards the light and I knew that I was heading towards better times.

That didn’t stop the nerves from consuming me though. As the words “my waters have broken” fell from my mouth once more, I felt like I was drowning in fear. Although on the outside I remained with the hugest grin across my face. I really was excited too.

Quickly, I was whisked into a room, where I sat waiting to be examined. I hated hospitals, in fact I still do. Something about them turns me cold and as I sat waiting I scanned the room feeling rather weary. The bright lights and garish colours all made me feel quite sick and I started to worry about my stay there.

Before the nurse arrived I made a quick visit to the bathroom, where to my joy I found a large floor length mirror. I stood and examined my bump. It had already dropped significantly since I’d last looked at it a few hours before. I felt a rush of emotions as it crossed my mind that it might be the last time I got to look at it. I had become quite attached to my bump, and although I was excited to feel a bit more like me again, I was sad to think it would be gone soon.

The examination was over before I knew it and I was left again waiting. I was one cm dilated. Quite pleased that things were already progressing, I closed my eyes tight and hoped that things might begin to move swiftly.

As I was being examined the lady had exclaimed “baby's got lots of hair!”. I sat and pondered this as I waited, it was almost extraordinary to me that she could already see my daughter. If I’m honest I shuddered at the thought of it.

Nerves and excitement all seemed to swish around within me as I thought about my daughter actually being here. I couldn’t wait to see what she looked like, the colour of her hair, her eyes. I can still feel the excitement now, thinking back to that precious time.

My “relaxing at home until the last minute” dreams were crushed as the nurse returned and told me that I had to remain in the hospital and wait until my daughter was born. There was no saying how long this might take and I took a deep breath with disappointment. I found it hard to imagine how I could relax in a room filled with other pregnant women. I hoped and prayed that the ward I was staying on would be quiet and that I wouldn’t have to stay there for very long.

The nurse had also informed me that my mother wouldn’t be able to stay with me over night and that she could only visit within a certain time schedule in the day. This caused a wave of fear to wash over me. The thought of my mother not being there terrified me. I never imagined staying in the hospital over night on my own, at least not before giving birth.

In the lift to the ward panic started to rise up into my chest. “I can’t stay here” I thought. The idea of germs and a bed other people had slept in caused me to seize up with disgust. I felt stiff. Rigid. This wasn’t exactly the calming environment I’d hoped for during my first few hours of early labour. I exhaled a deep sigh and swallowed my fear as exited the lift.

Entering the dark room I felt hopeful. I scanned around and all the beds were empty, maybe I was in luck. But as I turned the corner, towards my bed, I was almost knocked back with shock as my eyes laid upon a lady sprawled across the bed in front of me. As we approached nearer to her she awoke with a jolt. I already felt uncomfortable in her presence. She had made the bed her home, as numerous drinks and take-a-way food wrappers mounted up around her. Her laid back approach made me feel intimidated and I felt myself shrink inwards. I felt small and my stomach began to somersault again. “How am I going to stay here?” I thought to myself.

My bed was positioned in the corner, I took comfort in this and quickly hurried towards it, thinking that I might feel safer once I was there. I plonked myself down onto the bed and the nurse pulled the blue curtain around us. Turning on the small lamp next to my bed, she explained everything I'd need to know for the next day. But I wasn’t really listening. My head nodded and I pretended to be engaged but really the panic and fear was eating me up even more than before now. I tapped my foot nervously on the floor, wishing that she would leave so I could at least try to relax.

My mother kindly began to unpack a few of my things as the nurse spoke and not long before she left I stood up to help her. When I noticed that within the two maybe three minutes I’d been sat there my waters, which hadn’t stopped since hours before, had already soaked through the fresh hospital bedding. The nurse called in a colleague and the began to strip the bed. I stood there helpless, feeling so embarrassed that my cheeks began to burn red hot.

Once the bed was finally made and all the things I might need were neatly placed around me, it was time for my mother to leave. Deep inside I wanted to beg her to stay. I felt like I did on my first day at school were I clung to her in tears and wouldn’t let go.

“No, I can’t be weak” I thought. “I have to do this alone”.

As I watched my mother disappear from behind the blue curtain I felt myself take a huge sigh. I was terrified and excited but most of all I felt disappointed. I wanted to relax as much as possible in the time before I gave birth and I knew that this would be almost impossible being so far from home.

Deciding it was best to get myself rested for whatever I might have to face the next day, I slipped myself down into the bed and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible. Just as my eyelids met to a close, there were forced open again by the most awful, loud and piercing noise. Rather confused by what I had heard I sat up and waited for the noise to come again. “Snhughhhh” the noise came even louder this time.

The lady opposite me had began to snore. I couldn’t even believe how loud the noise was. I’d never heard anything like it before. I remained hopeful that perhaps the noise wouldn’t last for long. I closed my eyes again. “Snhughhhh” She snored again grunted and groaning at the end. I sighed a deep sigh. I was already exhausted, I hadn’t slept the night before and with such a stressful day I felt as if my body was aching for sleep.

I grabbed my phone, found my favourite relaxation music and pushed my earphones as far into my ears as I could. Turned the volume up to full and sat back ready to get some well needed sleep. I felt my self begin to relax, her snoring was so muffled by my music that I couldn’t hear her at all... or so I thought.

“Snhughhhh” the awful noise came again even louder. Despite my frustration I couldn’t help myself but giggle this time. Her snoring was the most disgusting, exaggerated snoring I’d ever heard. I couldn’t quite believe it, but without being able to control it a huge smile plastered across my face.

This wasn’t the way I had imagined my early stages of labour, but I knew it would be a story that I’d remember forever. I imagined myself telling the story to my grandchildren in the future, in fits of laughter at the thought of the funny lady’s snoring.

I smoothed my hands lovingly across my bump and turned to my side. I began to embrace all the things that had already gone wrong and started to enjoy them. I knew that from now on life would be unpredictable, messy and imperfect in the most beautiful kind of way. I giggled to myself once more and felt myself fill with a feeling of ecstasy. Then I settled down into the hospital bed for the most uncomfortable, frustrating and disturbed sleep of my entire life, hoping that it wouldn't be too long before I got meet my daughter...