Dear daughter I'm sorry...

I never thought I'd share this. It's something I wrote as tears poured down my face, hiding on the bottom steps of my staircase. I couldn't bare go upstairs into my home. I couldn't face the mess, the hollowing silence. I couldn't bare to be alone.

Somehow I felt more connected there, as I could hear the hustle of the world go by from outside my front door. I cradled Willow close to me as she fed. I felt like a failure. I felt so alone.

Desperately I scribbled the down the fragile thoughts from my mind. In that moment I wrote this purely to clear my head. But looking back upon this memory I see there's so much more than that. So many mothers across the world will experience moments similar to this one. Motherhood is challenging at the best of times, yet nobody likes to admit to these moments. These moments when we struggle.

It's moments like this that we are ashamed of. We don't like to admit to others that often we feel like failures.

I want to break that. I want to shatter the need for us mothers to pretend that we are perfect.

We aren't. Perfection doesn't exist as one definition. It is subject to the individual. Therefore it cant exist as a concept that we all share.

Perfection isn't real.

These moments are.

As mothers we need to stand up and share our moments of weakness. So that we no longer feel alone.

Together we are unbreakable.

So here I share to you a poem I wrote to my daughter, in a moment when I felt like I had to apologise for not being the perfect mother.

Dear daughter I'm sorry,

My whole life I’ve dreamt of you being here. I’ve dreamt of providing you the perfect life. Of being the perfect mum. For you to grow up in the most perfect house, a house filled with love. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I’m sorry our house isn’t a home. Willow I love you. My heart has never been so full. I will do nothing but try and create a life for you. We will build a home together. Somehow. One day. But for now I’m sorry.

Your life has been far from perfect. Yet for me every moment has been perfection. Willow I love you. Watching you grow, gives me the strength to grow into a better person. I’m sorry the house is a mess. I’m sorry we don’t always have a routine. I’m sorry some days I’m sad and lonely. I’m sorry we struggle. Willow I love you, I want to give you nothing less than the world. I won’t stop until I can. I’m sorry he didn’t love me. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I desperately grasped at the perfectly family, but it never quite met my touch. Willow, I love you, in you I’ve found perfection. You are my perfect home, my perfect life, my perfect world. Dear daughter I’m sorry, it’s not perfect right now. But I will do nothing less than carve a beautiful life for us. Willow, I love you...